Tell me your secrets, ask me your questions.
Oh let’s go back to the start.
Nobody said it was easy, it’s such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh take me back to the start.
Running in circles, chasing our tails, coming back as we are.
If it’s true that those whom you dream of are thinking about you,
then I believe you must be dreaming of me too.
When I was in Hong Kong, I was really excited to come back to Vancouver. I mean, I love Hong Kong and I love my family there, but Vancouver is my home. I missed my home, my mother, my friends, and just being in Vancouver felt right (no matter how much I complained daily.) Then I come back, and it does not even feel like home.
I wonder if it’s because I’ve been gone for too long that my family doesn’t even understand me anymore. Ridiculous misunderstandings. I finally understand how it feels to not want to explain yourself; I mean, out of everyone I’d expect you to understand me at the least. I’ve never changed who I was; I grew up to be a really straightforward person, someone who doesn’t know how to be fake even though I understand how that is now sometimes necessary in society. And yet, I am being misunderstood for something so wrong. You may think that I’ve changed how you look at me, but for you to believe such bullshit forever changes the way I view you too.
Am I expecting too much? Am I not supposed to expect these people whom are so close to heart to me to understand how I’d think? So many times I’ve made a point on how I felt, yet over and over again I am not being taken seriously. The saddest part is knowing that I would never let any of this bullshit happen if I was in-charged of this situation, there wouldn’t even have been a ‘situation’.
So much has happened in just a week. I long to feel at home again.
I believe one of the hardest dilemmas of life is when your logic and emotions are not in tune with each other. You logically know what you should do yet there will always be a voice coming from your heart saying, “give it one more try.” But it’s never just one more try, it’s another after another after another.
Logically, there are so many reasons to just disregard these so called feelings and protect oneself from getting hurt. But even someone that has so much self-love like me only really needs one good reason to forget about the logisitics and just fall madly, deeply in love. I may complain about many things, but as long as at the end of the day I can say to myself, “at least he shows that he truly appreciates me and treats me with respect and love”, then I’m already satisfied.
I try so hard to hold onto this so called reason, when slowly I’m realizing it’s not even there anymore. It’s now that I know how much words can hurt. But I don’t think I will ever understand why such hurtful words could come out from someone like you..
Even that hopeful heart that always whispers, “just one more try!” will eventually get tired. Tired of the pain.
The real question is, when do you do your heart a favour and set it free from all this devastating pain? Is it more painful to go through this repetitive, hurtful cycle or is it more painful to attempt to move on, knowing that failing could be a possibility?
世上也許有事情 我們不希望發生 只能夠接受
而我會選擇相信 當壞事壞到最後 好事就會來臨
If you ever leave me baby,
Leave some morphine at my door
'Cause it would take a whole lot of medication
To realize what we used to have,
We don’t have it anymore.
Don’t just say, goodbye
I’ll pick up these broken pieces ’til I’m bleeding
If that’ll make it right.
My eyes will do the same if you walk away
Everyday it will rain, rain, rain…